| land surfer dude 2005-06-16, 2:32 pm |
| no beach ( bugger_ )
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have to console myself with all this pot
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the offspring
'pay the man'
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jeez these chips are salty
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i rang purple this morning
to cancel th photoshoot
not impressed with bribies waves
just not th same
she was like
they go four foot some times
when it gets wild and stuff
yeah right
not th same babe
th unicycle doesnt catch th waves
anywhere near as good
when th waves are pussie
it's fuckin surfin
turns out
her husband
stayed home from work for th day
with a sore back
and she was takin him
to th quack
so it was out anyway
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spent half th afternoon with sel
she was kid mindin
her own and barbie girls
cant have a pretty girl in her early twenties
bein bored
now can we ?
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i might give ya a call about these photos hay
there's a fuckin curse on em
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"hay still studyin photography ?"
last i heard
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bumped into her ex boyfriend th other day
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sel picked me th nicest baggie
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ah no paulei
ya cant have that one
got a stick in it
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"sounds like they had fun at that party"
her and kuta lady
too much chocolate is bad for you
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i'm buyin a stick arent i ?
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no ride on th unicycle this arv jen
"chafing"
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massive attack
'inertia creeps'
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"it's nice weed"
"dont breathe out yet"
"maybe if we got stoned enough"
i had a good hard ride yesterday
i'm happy
stretching day
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monday
always recovery day
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"no extra torn muscles this week"
wow
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meeting in th morning
9 am
"k"
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Battery FUll
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oh good
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nice tender lamb for dinner
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"i liked bein a vegetarian"
affected my wheel riding
gone
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i came off this gutter
and th wheel stored a pile of inertia
and i was on th brakes
leaning backwards
for th next ten or so rotations
musta come down
leanin too far forward on th stick
come on ya stupid unicycle
slow down
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it aint th same purple
im sorry
if im gunna do it
it has to be right
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ac dc
'highway to hell'
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little waves dont do shit for me
i liek to ride th wheel
in th BACKS of th waves
th part that's goin back out to sea
ridin th rips
only way ya'll ever get dumped
by a dumper wave
on a unicycle
a unique experience
and worth filming properly
fuck necessity
i'll wait
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i caught this backwards wave
a rip
ad lost it
got carried out to sea in it
three feet deep
still riding
big wave came and
aint goin thru that one
do th usual
and dive under it
and find myself and th unicycle
in fifteen feet of water
when i surface
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midnight oil
'short memory'
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not of that time
i am no fuckin way
leavin my wheel out here
duck dive and
pick it up and walk
sideways down th beach
till i run out of breath
drop th unicycle
swim to th surface
take a breath
and go back down to th bottom to retrieve my toy
we walked out of th rip
and then swum back in
to th beach
you ever tried to catch a wave ?
with a unicycle under your arm
i was tired enough to try
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got back to th beach and
huge smile
maybe a seven second ride
bout then
was when i dug surfing
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my rides can go
half an hour
an hour or more
without stopping
ridin practically anywhere
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a moving travellator
no worries
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"Can i have a trick ?"
maybe
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river phoenix and johnny depp
'i save cigarette butts'
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so do i
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'you've been chosen to join an elite squadron of banshees'
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kylie minogue
'track no04'
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<<< smile >>>
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'promises' it is
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"would these be girl promises to a boy ?"
jenny
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was readin in th newspaper
yesterday
that
marriage is umm
not very good sexually for men
ya get less sex
not more
over time
while she demands you be faithful
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do re mi
'warnings moving clockwise'
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if you arent fuckin him honey
there's a good chance someone else will who wants to
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wasnt anything any long married man didnt know
so have th headjobs stopped young fella ?
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i'm jaded
been married a couple times
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five years each
like doin time
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wish i'd gotten time off
for good behaviour
yeah right
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and lived in sin
with five others
long termers
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arlo guthrie
'i'm going home'
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i spent some time
livin in a number of houses
at th same time
cause home is somethin i carry with me
lotsa miles on a motorcycle
and then
lotsa miles on a unicycle
millions of smiles
and more than one door
i can walk in
flip th jug on
make myself a cuppa and one for whoever else is there
and help myself to a cone from th mullbowl
it's all good
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?
'07'
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sounds like coldplay
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nah
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fucked if i know
"have a look where it is on disk"
properties
location
oh ok
it's green day
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man i'm a fuckhead
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"ya wanna take th 27 down th beach ?"
th big beach ya need th big wheel
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george carlin
'cigars'
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'great trucking songs of th renaissance'
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ah it's tism
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fucked if i know
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nirvana
'breed'
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nah man
i'm a freak
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i did once
you know
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fuckin chafing
it's a gorgeous dusk
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"We only rode three hours with th wrong shorts friday night"
and it hasnt healed yet
ok ?
"ok"
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had my sunday afternoon
proficiency fly
on th wheel
down redcliffe way
on th boardwalk
nice and breezie
cool as
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kristin hersh
'your ghost' ( demo )
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my ghost would ride a unicycle
thru th crowd
and haunt th inner city
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first time i got called legend
i curled in a ball
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waddya fuckin mean i'm an icon ?
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get fucked
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cant i just go surfin on my unicycle ?
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presidents of th united states
'feather plucking'
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"stick a feather up yur arse"
i think it's
tickle yur arse with a feather
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dont get me wrong
i'd go to bribie island
to fy on my wheel
it's a BIG beach
it's th slope of th beach
and th fact it's shadowed by another island
fucked surf
pulled a few tailor out of bribie beach's waves
four wheel drivin up to caloundra
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khia
'lick my pussy'
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does this mean yur home now ?
5.12 pm
"she was at work"
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BRB
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freakin me out
now it's
kylie minogue
'red blooded woman'
i ducked off to feed th girls
puppie dogs
in th back yard
let tallow th labroador land shark in
to hoover up th spilt cat food
did a good job she did
much neater
cept she bailed up th cat in th lounge room when she got done
righto
yur outta here
lets what we got for you folks to eat today
had to grab th cat
and show him th dogs outside
eatin their tucker
refill his bowl and
there ya go mate
he gave me a couple or three dirty looks
but tucked in all th same
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everythin in th house has been
watered and fed
cept me
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i freaked out this chick yesterday
i was comin down this hill
on th roadway
down redcliffe way
flyin in th breeze
comin straight at me
ridin down th hill
and had my eyes closed
i didnt have th mp3 player goin
so i heard her squeel
and opened my eyes
was worth it
she had a fuckin nice smile
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violent femmes
'america is[#]'
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th first person who came to me
and called me a master
i curled in a ball
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budgie
'breadfan'
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there's lots of things i cant do
on th wheel
there's so much that you can do
unicyclists tend to specialize
i'm more into travelling on it
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ya get sick of ppl askin
can i have a trick ?
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nirvana
'lake of fire'
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"where's your other wheel ?"
i thought she was pretty
till she said that
think i'd ride over th top of nicole kidman
if she said
"where 's your other wheel ?"
just heard it too many times
you know
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if i ever met her
i'd probly ask her
all th same fuckin dumb questions
she's heard before
"so can ya get off seven times in ten minutes or what ?"
fuck off jennifer
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pj harvey
'down by the water'
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i used to think
i aint ever get to meet
famous ppl
but occasionally
i bump into one in th street
or in th botanic gardens
or as they're runnin down th street
air sparring
for th cameras they've got in trail
i met our current leader of th opposition
when he was runnin for office one time
as i was
flyin stoned outa my gourd in th botanic gardens
dont ride on th grass
yeah right
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down by th water
on th rivers edge
walkin path only
yeah right
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where i live
in brisbane
we're bicycle mad
paths everywhere
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alex lloyd
'lucky star'
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bit like th street
like busing int h street
done a bit of that
ya never know
waht's comin up th street
and just when ya think yu've seen everything
two girls catfighting
tryint o scratch each other's eyes out
land in yur lap
while you got yur eyes closed
and singin to th two pretty girls
opposite
sittin on th bench seat
open my eyes and
well i havent seen this before
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two guys fightin int h strret one night
both big guys and
one comes down
right in front of me
and lands on my unicycle
man if he aint hurt
th fuckin uni's gunna be
big thud
not a scratch
on either
drunk as
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out singin with a mate
he on th flamenco guitar
i'm singin background
and acapela and
all th usual vocal tricks
and ended up
cause i didnt know where i was sleepin
sittin in a penthouse at dawn
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had a model
run beside th unicycle in th surf
and beg me to stop
pls stop and talk to me for a while
met her bodyguard
admired his muscles
and she dismissed him
we sat and chatted for half an hour
pretty thing
flawless
but um
couldnt remember her lighter was supposed to be fucked
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south park kids
'merry fucking christmas'
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have weird shit happen to ya
just ridin around on a unicycle
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two gorgeous japanese girls
i was singin on th corner with al
they were climbin all over my arms
tryin to ask if i was a body builder
no sweetie
i ride a unicycle
<<< smile >>>
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more tism
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"hey dude pull up"
"i want you to meet my sister"
kirsten
nineteen and a dancer
<<< smile >>>
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violent femmes
'waiting for th bus'
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would ya really ask her that as yur first question ?
"it'll never happen"
"dont worry"
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david essex
'rock on'
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i mean normally
that would make me feel better
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so who was it stopped and sang with ya mika ?
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every now and then
ya look up
usually with me it's
open my eyes
and keep singin
and
some famous bugger walkin by
hearing their name
being mentioned
over and over
as they trek on by
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the red hot chilli peppers
'track no05'
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time to cremate dinner...
..
..
..
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startin with boilin water
what are ya gunna do ?
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garbage
'milk'(massive attack remix)
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i've sworn off redheads
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just brightly shining speedbumps on th beach
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th flickouts are gettin bigger
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and a lot worse when they let go
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the black eyed peas
'track no18'
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not for th beach though
dig too deep
for th beach
you gotta have fine control
think smooth with a capital ooooo
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i dig leavin hackie marks
a crescent in black rubber
on th concrete
on a solo wheel
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..
..
..
sorry
i got stoned and forgot about ya
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c'mon miss busters
"that's myth busters paulie"
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go hard
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gotta shut down
cant watch th abc with th pc runnin
fuck th lot of ya's
later
..
..
..
land surfer dude
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p.s.
i was gunna cum on this letter
but i'd already sealed th envelope...
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