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Home > Archive > Lawn and Garden forum > December 2007 > Help me kill a tree
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Help me kill a tree
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| 10 years ago I planted a Pecan tree about 8 feet from the house. New
home owner OK! Well the tree is 30-40 feet high now and hanging over
the house. To make matters worse the shower/bathroom is the closest
thing to the tree. I know roots will eventually find the drains, if
it hasn't already done so.
Now my problem. My wife will not let me kill it. She gets upset when
I replace the annuals. She almost wants to have a funeral and for a
while I'm a killer.
How do I kill the Pecan tree so it looks like it died a natural death?
I have the air conditioner guy around the corner come over in uniform
with a clipboard and pretend he is a arborist. I'll get that done.
Friends tell me I can nail a copper nail in the trunk and it will die.
True or False. Any better ideas.
Thanks,
Tango
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| Tonyjc 2007-11-30, 8:25 pm |
| My dad would always say the best way is boiling water with Salt in It, takes
time , but It works.
"Tango" <tangot2@mail.com> wrote in message
news:kl61l3lte453rp2qps1gq8jos3hes0p6p5@4ax.com...
> 10 years ago I planted a Pecan tree about 8 feet from the house. New
> home owner OK! Well the tree is 30-40 feet high now and hanging over
> the house. To make matters worse the shower/bathroom is the closest
> thing to the tree. I know roots will eventually find the drains, if
> it hasn't already done so.
>
> Now my problem. My wife will not let me kill it. She gets upset when
> I replace the annuals. She almost wants to have a funeral and for a
> while I'm a killer.
>
> How do I kill the Pecan tree so it looks like it died a natural death?
> I have the air conditioner guy around the corner come over in uniform
> with a clipboard and pretend he is a arborist. I'll get that done.
> Friends tell me I can nail a copper nail in the trunk and it will die.
> True or False. Any better ideas.
>
> Thanks,
> Tango
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| Steveo 2007-11-30, 8:25 pm |
| Tango <tangot2@mail.com> wrote:
> 10 years ago I planted a Pecan tree about 8 feet from the house. New
> home owner OK! Well the tree is 30-40 feet high now and hanging over
> the house. To make matters worse the shower/bathroom is the closest
> thing to the tree. I know roots will eventually find the drains, if
> it hasn't already done so.
>
> Now my problem. My wife will not let me kill it. She gets upset when
> I replace the annuals. She almost wants to have a funeral and for a
> while I'm a killer.
>
> How do I kill the Pecan tree so it looks like it died a natural death?
> I have the air conditioner guy around the corner come over in uniform
> with a clipboard and pretend he is a arborist. I'll get that done.
> Friends tell me I can nail a copper nail in the trunk and it will die.
> True or False. Any better ideas.
>
> Thanks,
> Tango
>
Grow a pair and borrow a chain saw. Be careful.
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| Eggs Zachtly 2007-11-30, 8:25 pm |
| Steveo said:
> Tango <tangot2@mail.com> wrote:
> Grow a pair and borrow a chain saw. Be careful.
Agreed.
Perhaps, as an alternative to looking at it as, "killing", the OP could
look at it as "replacing" the tree. Find a suitable alternative species for
the location, and put it in as soon as the old stump is removed.
Besides, that devious shit ain't gonna work. He's gonna get caught (we
/always/ effin' get caught, don't we?), and his ol' lady's gonna turn the
a/c dood in for impersonating an arborist. ;)
--
Eggs
-Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
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| do_see@do.com 2007-11-30, 8:25 pm |
| Tango wrote:
> 10 years ago I planted a Pecan tree about 8 feet from the house. New
> home owner OK! Well the tree is 30-40 feet high now and hanging over
> the house. To make matters worse the shower/bathroom is the closest
> thing to the tree. I know roots will eventually find the drains, if
> it hasn't already done so.
>
> Now my problem. My wife will not let me kill it. She gets upset when
> I replace the annuals. She almost wants to have a funeral and for a
> while I'm a killer.
>
> How do I kill the Pecan tree so it looks like it died a natural death?
> I have the air conditioner guy around the corner come over in uniform
> with a clipboard and pretend he is a arborist. I'll get that done.
> Friends tell me I can nail a copper nail in the trunk and it will die.
> True or False. Any better ideas.
>
> Thanks,
> Tango
Copper will kill the tree. As an alternative, pour copper sulfate, the
stuff to keep drains clear of roots, around the tree.
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| do_see@do.com 2007-11-30, 8:25 pm |
| Tango wrote:
> 10 years ago I planted a Pecan tree about 8 feet from the house. New
> home owner OK! Well the tree is 30-40 feet high now and hanging over
> the house. To make matters worse the shower/bathroom is the closest
> thing to the tree. I know roots will eventually find the drains, if
> it hasn't already done so.
>
> Now my problem. My wife will not let me kill it. She gets upset when
> I replace the annuals. She almost wants to have a funeral and for a
> while I'm a killer.
>
> How do I kill the Pecan tree so it looks like it died a natural death?
> I have the air conditioner guy around the corner come over in uniform
> with a clipboard and pretend he is a arborist. I'll get that done.
> Friends tell me I can nail a copper nail in the trunk and it will die.
> True or False. Any better ideas.
>
> Thanks,
> Tango
Copper will kill the tree. As an alternative, pour copper sulfate, the
stuff to keep drains clear of roots, around the tree.
Or, you could do the right thing. Tell the ol lady to grow up and to
shut the f*ck up and just cut it down. A Pecan tree that size would be
worth a lot of money to a cabinet maker. Maybe buying the ol lady a gift
from the proceeds will shut her up.
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| Tango wrote:
>
> 10 years ago I planted a Pecan tree about 8 feet from the house. New
> home owner OK! Well the tree is 30-40 feet high now and hanging over
> the house. To make matters worse the shower/bathroom is the closest
> thing to the tree. I know roots will eventually find the drains, if
> it hasn't already done so.
>
> Now my problem. My wife will not let me kill it.
explain to the wife how Murphy's Law will most likely ensure how
the tree will fall on the house while she is in the "shower/bathroom"
doing sufficient damage to the house whereby requiring the assistance
of the local rescue rangers in order to safely extract her from the
"shower/bathroom". they'll see her girl parts the photographer for
the local newspaper will get pictures and the whole town will enjoy
a good laugh at her expense. later when it is determined how the
entire incident was the result of your having planted the tree to
close to the house they will laugh at you too, but I'd not play this
part up. I'd make it all about her humiliating 'hour' requiring the
rescue from the shower due to the fallen tree.
if you pull this off correctly she'll hire a bonded and insured tree
removal service and you'll just stand around trying not to grin to much.
with any negotiation, it really is all about proper presentation.
> She gets upset when
> I replace the annuals. She almost wants to have a funeral and for a
> while I'm a killer.
>
> How do I kill the Pecan tree so it looks like it died a natural death?
> I have the air conditioner guy around the corner come over in uniform
> with a clipboard and pretend he is a arborist. I'll get that done.
> Friends tell me I can nail a copper nail in the trunk and it will die.
> True or False. Any better ideas.
>
> Thanks,
> Tango
| |
| Steveo 2007-11-30, 9:25 pm |
| eggsUNDERSCOREHEREzachtly@hotmail.com wrote:
> Steveo said:
>
>
> Agreed.
>
> Perhaps, as an alternative to looking at it as, "killing", the OP could
> look at it as "replacing" the tree. Find a suitable alternative species
> for the location, and put it in as soon as the old stump is removed.
>
> Besides, that devious shit ain't gonna work. He's gonna get caught (we
> /always/ effin' get caught, don't we?), and his ol' lady's gonna turn the
> a/c dood in for impersonating an arborist. ;)
>
Right, get the saw. 
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| Dioclese 2007-12-01, 1:25 pm |
| "Tango" <tangot2@mail.com> wrote in message
news:kl61l3lte453rp2qps1gq8jos3hes0p6p5@4ax.com...
> 10 years ago I planted a Pecan tree about 8 feet from the house. New
> home owner OK! Well the tree is 30-40 feet high now and hanging over
> the house. To make matters worse the shower/bathroom is the closest
> thing to the tree. I know roots will eventually find the drains, if
> it hasn't already done so.
>
> Now my problem. My wife will not let me kill it. She gets upset when
> I replace the annuals. She almost wants to have a funeral and for a
> while I'm a killer.
>
> How do I kill the Pecan tree so it looks like it died a natural death?
> I have the air conditioner guy around the corner come over in uniform
> with a clipboard and pretend he is a arborist. I'll get that done.
> Friends tell me I can nail a copper nail in the trunk and it will die.
> True or False. Any better ideas.
>
> Thanks,
> Tango
Sounds like the problem is not the tree, its your wife. You have to do the
hard decision stuff. Either way, its you fault. True for most marriages.
House (slab?) foundation in proximity of the tree may be at risk in the
future if left alone.
--
Dave
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| Clark... 2007-12-02, 9:25 am |
| Tango wrote:
> 10 years ago I planted a Pecan tree about 8 feet from the house. New
> home owner OK! Well the tree is 30-40 feet high now and hanging over
> the house. To make matters worse the shower/bathroom is the closest
> thing to the tree. I know roots will eventually find the drains, if
> it hasn't already done so.
>
> Now my problem. My wife will not let me kill it. She gets upset when
> I replace the annuals. She almost wants to have a funeral and for a
> while I'm a killer.
>
> How do I kill the Pecan tree so it looks like it died a natural death?
> I have the air conditioner guy around the corner come over in uniform
> with a clipboard and pretend he is a arborist. I'll get that done.
> Friends tell me I can nail a copper nail in the trunk and it will die.
> True or False. Any better ideas.
>
> Thanks,
> Tango
BURY THE ROOTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
from what I've read it will kill the tree every time!!!!!!
Clark...
--
If they can't take a fuck .....JOKE'em
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