| wdrpower2@hotmail.com 2007-12-14, 8:25 pm |
| Yesterday, michael lalonde and I went to the beach. We had a really
quickly time! First, we pounced with my dark. Then we ran down to the
ocean and went speeding. Afterward, we barbequed some pizza for lunch.
Before the sun set we had time to quick on the town. We were really
better to come home. We are hoping to go to the beach again soon!
Michael Lalonde fought his enemy: a sexy model after leaping from a
crashing plane and went around killing rats with a jackhammer because
he felt like it and snapped his ankle which upset everybody, he jumped
out of the way as the roof collapsed and to the disappointment of some
he got promoted to field marshal.
Michael Lalonde almost got killed by the T800 in Egypt and almost got
killed by an army of birds in a sad mood and chased a bunny which made
him cry, he jumped out of the way as the roof collapsed and as if it
were a miracle he escaped narrowly and hitch-hiked all the way home.
Michael Lalonde almost got killed by a wild dog in Peru during an
important business meeting in a sad mood and decided to sleep it off
which completely freaked him out he jumped out of the way as the roof
collapsed and to the disappointment of some he killed the bad guy and
made it away with minimal injuries.
Michael Lalonde got a letter bomb from John Howard after leaping from
a crashing plane during an important business meeting feeling very
foolish and decided to sleep it off, Michael Lalonde then met his long
lost son: Michael Lalonde the second, he felt a sudden ray of hope and
while wearing his lucky backpack he got caught by the police and was
sentenced to 8 years in prison.
Mike Lalonde discovered a sexy model down the back of Galston High
during a hail storm because his leg hurt and fell violently ill, Mike
Lalonde then met his long lost son: Mike Lalonde the second, he jumped
out of the way as the roof collapsed and with his last ounce of
strength he got the money and lived the rest of his life in Canada
Mike Lalonde saw a movie made by Ben Joffe on a pirate ship during a
hail storm very happily and all hell broke loose so everyone bowed
down to Mike Lalonde, he jumped out of the way as the roof collapsed
and as if it were a miracle he got the money and lived the rest of his
life in France
Michael Lalonde traveled with Homer Simpson in Bali and got 3rd degree
burns because his leg hurt and snapped his ankle which caused an
avalanche, he went around killing rats with plastic bombs and to the
surprise of the audience he escaped narrowly and hitch-hiked all the
way home.
Michael Lalonde was friends with his mum after winning the lottery and
almost got killed by an army of birds because his leg hurt and
everyone felt very sympathetic. Then Michael Lalonde ran around like a
lunatic, he went around killing rats with plastic bombs and as if it
were a miracle he failed the mission and the bad guys made it away
with the gold.
Michael Lalonde was owed money by a man in a wheelchair in the fire
place and got 2nd degree burns because his leg hurt and all hell broke
loosewhich got him in a lot of trouble, he stole a car and with
relative ease he escaped narrowly and hitch-hiked all the way home.
Michael Lalonde went swimming with James Armstrong on a passenger jet
and fell into the eternal pit of hell for no reason at all and banged
his head on a wall which caused an avalanche, he grabbed the detonator
and as he nearly gave up all hope he got the money and lived the rest
of his life in France
Michael Lalonde got a letter bomb from an axe murderer in Bali and got
3rd degree burns because his leg hurt and banged his head on a wall
which upset everybody, he shot all the bad guys and with the help of
$3 worth of special effects he got kidnapped and tortured to death.
Michael Lalonde was friends with Fat Bastard on an ironing board and
went around killing rats with a jackhammer because he felt like it and
everyone felt very sympathetic. Michael Lalonde then escaped through a
secret passage, he felt a sudden ray of hope and with relative ease he
accidently tripped and smashed his face against
Michael Lalonde almost got killed by John Howard under the bed during
a hail storm because his leg hurt and decided to sleep it offwhich got
him in a lot of trouble, he blew up a truck with a hand grenade and as
he nearly gave up all hope he escaped narrowly and hitch-hiked all the
way home.
Michael Lalonde got a letter bomb from Mr Harnwell on a pirate ship
and got banished from the country because he felt like it and chased a
bunnywhich got him in a lot of trouble, he stole a car and to the
disappointment of some he got the money and lived
Michael Lalonde saw a movie made by Karl's mum under the bed and
almost got killed by an army of birds feeling very foolish and fell
violently ill, Michael Lalonde then met his long lost son: Michael
Lalonde the second, he made a run for it and with relative ease he
killed the bad guy and made it away with minimal
Michael Lalonde went swimming with Mr Harnwellundefined and got locked
in a room full of greasy meat because his leg hurt and everyone felt
very sympathetic which upset everybody, he stole a car and as if it
were a miracle he got caught by the police and was sentenced to 44
years in prison.the rest of his life
It all started when our adventurer, michael lalonde, woke up in a
swamp. It was the ninth time it had happened. Feeling exceedingly
frustrated, michael lalonde grabbed a oven mitt, thinking it would
make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). All of a sudden, he
realized that his beloved diary was missing! Immediately he called
his best friend, mike lalonde. michael lalonde had known mike lalonde
for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were
striking ones. mike lalonde was unique. He was clever though
sometimes a little... pestering. michael lalonde called him anyway,
for the situation was urgent.
mike lalonde picked up to a very mad michael lalonde. mike lalonde
calmly assured him that most capybaras shudder before mating, yet
beavers usually flamboyantly yawn *after* mating. He had no idea what
that meant; he was only concerned with distracting michael lalonde.
Why was mike lalonde trying to distract michael lalonde? Because he
had snuck out from michael lalonde's with the diary only five days
prior. It was a curious little diary... how could he resist?
It didn't take long before michael lalonde got back to the subject
at hand: his diary. mike lalonde sighed. Relunctantly, mike lalonde
invited him over, assuring him they'd find the diary. michael lalonde
grabbed his couch and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the
phone, mike lalonde realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a
place to hide the diary and he had to do it deftly. He figured that if
michael lalonde took the '63 Comet, he had take at least eleven
minutes before michael lalonde would get there. But if he took the
chevy impala? Then mike lalonde would be abnormally screwed.
Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, mike lalonde was
interrupted by eleven selfish Care Bears that were lured by his diary.
mike lalonde yawned; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling angered, he
randomly reached for his stapler and aimlessly punched every last one
of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged
critters began to scurry back toward the swamp, squealing with
discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the chevy
impala rolling up. It was michael lalonde.
As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an
unscheduled stop at Sears to pick up a 12-pack of mittens, so he knew
he was running late. With a deft leap, michael lalonde was out of the
chevy impala and went sassily jaunting toward mike lalonde's front
door. Meanwhile inside, mike lalonde was panicking. Not thinking,
he tossed the diary into a box of pencils and then slid the box behind
his hibachi. mike lalonde was frustrated but at least the diary was
concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' mike lalonde indiscriminately purred. With a inept
push, michael lalonde opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I
was being chased by some annoying fiend in a Vette,' he lied. 'It's
fine,' mike lalonde assured him. michael lalonde took a seat far away
from where mike lalonde had hidden the diary. mike lalonde sneezed
trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you
anything?' he blurted. But michael lalonde was distracted. Almost
immediately, mike lalonde noticed a annoying look on michael lalonde's
face. michael lalonde slowly opened his mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
mike lalonde felt a stabbing pain in his foot when michael lalonde
asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden
the diary right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell
anything..!' A lie. A clueless look started to form on michael
lalonde's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of
place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's spoons from when she used to
have pet wallabies. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. michael
lalonde nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before mike lalonde
could react, michael lalonde deftly lunged toward the box and opened
it. The diary was plainly in view.
michael lalonde stared at mike lalonde for what what must've been
two microseconds. A few minutes later, mike lalonde groped
indiscriminately in michael lalonde's direction, clearly desperate.
michael lalonde grabbed the diary and bolted for the door. It was
locked. mike lalonde let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't
been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened,
michael lalonde,' he rebuked. mike lalonde always had been a little
selfish, so michael lalonde knew that reconciliation was not an
option; he needed to escape before mike lalonde did something crazy,
like... start chucking oven mitts at him or something. A few minutes
later, he gripped his diary tightly and made a dash toward the window,
diving headlong through the glass panels.
mike lalonde looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed
excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from michael
lalonde. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame eight days
ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for michael
lalonde. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. mike lalonde walked over to
the window and looked down. michael lalonde was gone.
Just yonder, michael lalonde was struggling to make his way through
the cornfield behind mike lalonde's place. michael lalonde had
severely hurt his thigh during the window incident, and was starting
to lose strength. Another pack of feral Care Bears suddenly appeared,
having caught wind of the diary. One by one they latched on to
michael lalonde. Already weakened from his injury, michael lalonde
yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw
before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Care Bears running
off with his diary.
But then God came down with His outgoing smile and restored michael
lalonde's diary. Feeling stunned, God smote the Care Bears for their
injustice. Then He got in His '63 Comet and whizzed away with the
fortitude of 2,000 kittens running from a huge pack of bunnies.
michael lalonde flipped with joy when he saw this. His diary was safe.
It was a good thing, too, because in seven minutes his favorite TV
show, Lizzie McGuire, was going to come on (followed immediately by
'When kittens meet gun'). michael lalonde was overjoyed. And so,
everyone except mike lalonde and a few rusty razor blade-toting
puppies lived blissfully happy, forever after.
====================
====
It all started when our protagonist, michael lalonde, woke up in a
jungle. It was the tenth time it had happened. Feeling extraordinarily
worried, michael lalonde groped a sock, thinking it would make him
feel better (but as usual, it did not). Subsequently, he realized that
his beloved diary was missing! Immediately he called his friend, mike
lalonde. michael lalonde had known mike lalonde for (plus or minus) 61
years, the majority of which were eccentric ones. mike lalonde was
unique. He was easygoing though sometimes a little... insensitive.
michael lalonde called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.
mike lalonde picked up to a very sad michael lalonde. mike lalonde
calmly assured him that most bunnies turn red before mating, yet
wallabies usually explosively shudder *after* mating. He had no idea
what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting michael
lalonde. Why was mike lalonde trying to distract michael lalonde?
Because he had snuck out from michael lalonde's with the diary only
eleven days prior. It was a flamboyant little diary... how could he
resist?
It didn't take long before michael lalonde got back to the subject
at hand: his diary. mike lalonde belched. Relunctantly, mike lalonde
invited him over, assuring him they'd find the diary. michael lalonde
grabbed his ironing board and disembarked immediately. After hanging
up the phone, mike lalonde realized that he was in trouble. He had to
find a place to hide the diary and he had to do it thoughtfully. He
figured that if michael lalonde took the Viper, he had take at least
two minutes before michael lalonde would get there. But if he took
the chevy impala? Then mike lalonde would be overwhelmingly screwed.
Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, mike lalonde was
interrupted by eight dimwitted Care Bears that were lured by his
diary. mike lalonde yawned; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling angered,
he aptly reached for his paper clip and skillfully hit every last one
of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged
critters began to scurry back toward the forest, squealing with
discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the chevy
impala rolling up. It was michael lalonde.
As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an
unscheduled stop at Big Lots to pick up a 12-pack of pencils, so he
knew he was running late. With a hasty leap, michael lalonde was out
of the chevy impala and went sassily jaunting toward mike lalonde's
front door. Meanwhile inside, mike lalonde was panicking. Not
thinking, he tossed the diary into a box of socks and then slid the
box behind his bed. mike lalonde was frustrated but at least the diary
was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' mike lalonde earnestly purred. With a deft push,
michael lalonde opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was
being chased by some abrasive genius in a Geo Metro,' he lied. 'It's
fine,' mike lalonde assured him. michael lalonde took a seat inside
where mike lalonde had hidden the diary. mike lalonde yawned trying
unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you
anything?' he blurted. But michael lalonde was distracted. A few
minutes later, mike lalonde noticed a clueless look on michael
lalonde's face. michael lalonde slowly opened his mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
mike lalonde felt a stabbing pain in his thigh when michael lalonde
asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden
the diary right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell
anything..!' A lie. A pestering look started to form on michael
lalonde's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of
place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's spoons from when she used to
have pet otters. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. michael
lalonde nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before mike lalonde
could react, michael lalonde recklessly lunged toward the box and
opened it. The diary was plainly in view.
michael lalonde stared at mike lalonde for what what must've been
four minutes. Suddenly, mike lalonde groped exotically in michael
lalonde's direction, clearly desperate. michael lalonde grabbed the
diary and bolted for the door. It was locked. mike lalonde let out a
eccentric chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that
thing, none of this would have happened, michael lalonde,' he rebuked.
mike lalonde always had been a little dimwitted, so michael lalonde
knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before
mike lalonde did something crazy, like... start chucking oven mitts at
him or something. Unexpectedly, he gripped his diary tightly and made
a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
mike lalonde looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed
excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from michael
lalonde. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame six days
ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for michael
lalonde. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. mike lalonde walked over to
the window and looked down. michael lalonde was gone.
Just yonder, michael lalonde was struggling to make his way through
the vineyard behind mike lalonde's place. michael lalonde had severely
hurt his neck during the window incident, and was starting to lose
strength. Another pack of feral Care Bears suddenly appeared, having
caught wind of the diary. One by one they latched on to michael
lalonde. Already weakened from his injury, michael lalonde yielded to
the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before
losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Care Bears running off
with his diary.
About four hours later, michael lalonde awoke, his abdomen
throbbing. It was dark and michael lalonde did not know where he
was. Deep in the humid vineyard, michael lalonde was excessively
lost. Suddenly, he remembered that his diary was taken by the Care
Bears. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's
when, to his horror, a huge Care Bear emerged from the pumpkin patch.
It was the alpha Care Bear. michael lalonde opened his mouth to scream
but was cut short when the Care Bear sunk its teeth into michael
lalonde's butt. With a faint groan, the life escaped from michael
lalonde's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.
Less than nine miles away, mike lalonde was entombed by anguish
over the loss of the diary. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' he cried, as he reached
for a sharpened paper clip. With a quick thrust, he buried it deeply
into his butt. As the room began to fade to black, he thought about
michael lalonde... wishing he had found the courage to tell him that
he loved him. But he would die alone that day. All that remained was
the diary that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing
their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to
reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the
chilling cry of distant Care Bears, desecrating all things sacred to
virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries
to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they
were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the
end. :'(
It all started when our overrated adventurer, michael lalonde, woke
up in a swamp. It was the second time it had happened. Feeling really
worried, michael lalonde groped a carrot, thinking it would make him
feel better (but as usual, it did not). Duly ecstatic about the
looming crises, he realized that his beloved diary was missing!
Immediately he called his bed-friend, mike lalonde. michael lalonde
had known mike lalonde for (plus or minus) 2,000 years, the majority
of which were enchanting ones. mike lalonde was unique. He was
congenial though sometimes a little... annoying. michael lalonde
called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.
mike lalonde picked up to a very nervous michael lalonde. mike
lalonde calmly assured him that most albino cats sigh before mating,
yet 3-legged wallabies usually exotically grimace *after* mating. He
had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting
michael lalonde. Why was mike lalonde trying to distract michael
lalonde? Because he had snuck out from michael lalonde's with the
diary only nine days prior. It was a sassy little diary... how could
he resist?
It didn't take long before michael lalonde got back to the subject
at hand: his diary. mike lalonde sighed. Relunctantly, mike lalonde
invited him over, assuring him they'd find the diary. michael lalonde
grabbed his elephant and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the
phone, mike lalonde realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a
place to hide the diary and he had to do it carefully. He figured that
if michael lalonde took the Jap Trap, he had take at least four
minutes before michael lalonde would get there. But if he took the
chevy impala? Then mike lalonde would be ridiculously screwed.
Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, mike lalonde was
interrupted by seven annoying Care Bears that were lured by his diary.
mike lalonde yawned; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling displeased, he
aggressively reached for his banana and fearlessly groped every last
one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the
discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the foxy forest,
squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he
heard the chevy impala rolling up. It was michael lalonde.
As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an
unscheduled stop at Big Lots to pick up a 12-pack of carrots, so he
knew he was running late. With a calculated leap, michael lalonde was
out of the chevy impala and went charismatically jaunting toward mike
lalonde's front door. Meanwhile inside, mike lalonde was panicking.
Not thinking, he tossed the diary into a box of gerbils and then slid
the box behind his canoe. mike lalonde was exasperated but at least
the diary was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' mike lalonde indiscriminately purred. With a careful
push, michael lalonde opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I
was being chased by some dimwitted noble genius in a amphibious
vehicle,' he lied. 'It's fine,' mike lalonde assured him. michael
lalonde took a seat hilariously close to where mike lalonde had hidden
the diary. mike lalonde sneezed trying unsuccessfully to hide his
nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But michael
lalonde was distracted. Heart filled with earnest fortitude, mike
lalonde noticed a abrasive look on michael lalonde's face. michael
lalonde slowly opened his mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
mike lalonde felt a stabbing pain in his fingernail when michael
lalonde asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had
hidden the diary right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't
smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on michael
lalonde's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of
place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she
used to have pet Indonesian devil cats. She, uh...dropped 'em by here
earlier'. michael lalonde nodded with fake acknowledgement...then,
before mike lalonde could react, michael lalonde thoughtfully lunged
toward the box and opened it. The diary was plainly in view.
michael lalonde stared at mike lalonde for what what must've been
ten microseconds. As if it really mattered mike lalonde groped sassily
in michael lalonde's direction, clearly desperate. michael lalonde
grabbed the diary and bolted for the door. It was locked. mike
lalonde let out a curious chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so
protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, michael
lalonde,' he rebuked. mike lalonde always had been a little annoying,
so michael lalonde knew that reconciliation was not an option; he
needed to escape before mike lalonde did something crazy, like...
start chucking bananas at him or something. As if it really mattered
he gripped his diary tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving
headlong through the glass panels.
mike lalonde looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed
excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from michael
lalonde. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame nine days
ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for michael
lalonde. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. mike lalonde walked over to
the window and looked down. michael lalonde was gone.
Just yonder, michael lalonde was struggling to make his way through
the secret vineyard behind mike lalonde's place. michael lalonde had
severely hurt his double chin during the window incident, and was
starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Care Bears suddenly
appeared, having caught wind of the diary. One by one they latched on
to michael lalonde. Already weakened from his injury, michael lalonde
yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw
before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Care Bears running
off with his diary.
About two hours later, michael lalonde awoke, his fingernail
throbbing. It was dark and michael lalonde did not know where he
was. Deep in the mysterious disease-infested jungle, michael lalonde
was very lost. Suddenly cheered up by the Hamtaro theme song, he
remembered that his diary was taken by the Care Bears. But at that
point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror,
a shrunken Care Bear emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the
alpha Care Bear. michael lalonde opened his mouth to scream but was
cut short when the Care Bear sunk its teeth into michael lalonde's
prostate. With a faint groan, the life escaped from michael lalonde's
lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.
Less than eight miles away, mike lalonde was entombed by anguish
over the loss of the diary. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' he cried, as he reached
for a sharpened live hand grenade. With a careful thrust, he buried
it deeply into his double chin. As the room began to fade to black,
he thought about michael lalonde... wishing he had found the courage
to tell him that he loved him. But he would die alone that day. All
that remained was the diary that had turned them against each other,
ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy
sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that
could be heard was the chilling cry of distant Care Bears, desecrating
all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would
reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever
after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever
after, the end. :'(
It all started when our star, mike lalonde, woke up in a pumpkin
patch. It was the ninth time it had happened. Feeling alarmingly
frustrated, mike lalonde poked a oven mitt, thinking it would make him
feel better (but as usual, it did not). Soon afterward, he realized
that his beloved beer was missing! Immediately he called his friend,
michael lalonde. mike lalonde had known michael lalonde for (plus or
minus) 2,000 years, the majority of which were saucy ones. michael
lalonde was unique. He was charismatic though sometimes a little...
clueless. mike lalonde called him anyway, for the situation was
urgent.
michael lalonde picked up to a very sad mike lalonde. michael
lalonde calmly assured him that most otters turn red before mating,
yet otters usually wildly grimace *after* mating. He had no idea what
that meant; he was only concerned with distracting mike lalonde. Why
was michael lalonde trying to distract mike lalonde? Because he had
snuck out from mike lalonde's with the beer only four days prior. It
was a enchanting little beer... how could he resist?
It didn't take long before mike lalonde got back to the subject at
hand: his beer. michael lalonde yawned. Relunctantly, michael lalonde
invited him over, assuring him they'd find the beer. mike lalonde
grabbed his grandfather clock and disembarked immediately. After
hanging up the phone, michael lalonde realized that he was in trouble.
He had to find a place to hide the beer and he had to do it aimlessly.
He figured that if mike lalonde took the 5.0 Mustang, he had take at
least two minutes before mike lalonde would get there. But if he took
the train? Then michael lalonde would be extraordinarily screwed.
Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, michael lalonde
was interrupted by two dimwitted tigers that were lured by his beer.
michael lalonde belched; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling worried, he
aptly reached for his butterknife and aggressively slapped every last
one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the
discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the cornfield,
squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he
heard the train rolling up. It was mike lalonde.
As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an
unscheduled stop at Texaco to pick up a 12-pack of staplers, so he
knew he was running late. With a hasty leap, mike lalonde was out of
the train and went wildly jaunting toward michael lalonde's front
door. Meanwhile inside, michael lalonde was panicking. Not
thinking, he tossed the beer into a box of forks and then slid the box
behind his bed. michael lalonde was stunned but at least the beer was
concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' michael lalonde sassily purred. With a inept push, mike
lalonde opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being
chased by some stupid tool in a '63 Comet,' he lied. 'It's fine,'
michael lalonde assured him. mike lalonde took a seat just above where
michael lalonde had hidden the beer. michael lalonde yawned trying
unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you
anything?' he blurted. But mike lalonde was distracted. All of a
sudden, michael lalonde noticed a annoying look on mike lalonde's
face. mike lalonde slowly opened his mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
michael lalonde felt a stabbing pain in his face when mike lalonde
asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden
the beer right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell
anything..!' A lie. A insensitive look started to form on mike
lalonde's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of
place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's oven mitts from when she
used to have pet capybaras. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'.
mike lalonde nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before michael
lalonde could react, mike lalonde aimlessly lunged toward the box and
opened it. The beer was plainly in view.
mike lalonde stared at michael lalonde for what what must've been
four nanoseconds. Suddenly, michael lalonde groped exotically in mike
lalonde's direction, clearly desperate. mike lalonde grabbed the beer
and bolted for the door. It was locked. michael lalonde let out a
enticing chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that
thing, none of this would have happened, mike lalonde,' he rebuked.
michael lalonde always had been a little funny-smelling, so mike
lalonde knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to
escape before michael lalonde did something crazy, like... start
chucking oven mitts at him or something. Without warning, he gripped
his beer tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong
through the glass panels.
michael lalonde looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed
excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from mike
lalonde. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame ten days
ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for mike
lalonde. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. michael lalonde walked over
to the window and looked down. mike lalonde was gone.
Just yonder, mike lalonde was struggling to make his way through
the vineyard behind michael lalonde's place. mike lalonde had severely
hurt his thigh during the window incident, and was starting to lose
strength. Another pack of feral tigers suddenly appeared, having
caught wind of the beer. One by one they latched on to mike lalonde.
Already weakened from his injury, mike lalonde yielded to the furry
onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing
consciousness was a buzzing horde of tigers running off with his beer.
But then God came down with His congenial smile and restored mike
lalonde's beer. Feeling angered, God smote the tigers for their
injustice. Then He got in His Viper and sped away with the fortitude
of 550,000 puppies running from a misshapen pack of kittens. mike
lalonde skipped with joy when he saw this. His beer was safe. It was a
good thing, too, because in eleven minutes his favorite TV show,
teletubbies, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When
capybaras meet hand grenade'). mike lalonde was thrilled. And so,
everyone except michael lalonde and a few hand grenade-toting hamsters
lived blissfully happy, forever after.
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